Turning In Circles
by YakuKikyo
Summary: Now that Fenris and Hawke finally made up, the woman's attention fell on the slowly becoming insane Anders. She deeply wishes to help him, but isn't really sure how. Contains one-sided AndersXHawke and FenrisXHawke .


**Holy crap… Did it seriously turn into an over 7000 words one-shot ? It seemed so much shorter in my head. XD Or no, actually I cut down most than half of it (at first Hawke and Anders were supposed to thoroughly discuss all the subjects, but for length and story purpose I thought it'd be better if it wasn't the case)… And I added some flashbacks and inner thoughts which weren't supposed to be there at first (everything should have been in Hawke's POV) but I thought it'd be easier to understand things that way. I always think more than what is written (background, background !). Still…I can't believe it turned out so long…**

**And Fenris strangely became more present than I wanted… He should have been a minor chara. XD What a parasite, lol. So yeah, I know most people either love Fenris or Anders (those people not being into Fenders obviously, I don't care about it personally XD), I personally love both. They are both really interesting. So yeah, if you can't stand Fenris, er…you'll have to bear with it I'm afraid. XD**

**The last thing I'll point out is that my mother tongue is not English… So don't be surprised by the mistakes.**

* * *

><p><strong><span>Turning In Circles<span>**

A lot of events had occurred these last six years. Sometimes, thinking back, the warrior felt overwhelmed by them : sad one, happy one, twisted one, tensed one, those she regretted and those she'd always be thankful for.

One of those reasons was lying right beside her. The night had fallen for a few hours already on Kirkwall and like almost every night, she was teaching the white haired elf to read. They both were under the warm covers of her bed; while he was in a half-sitting position, back against pillows, and a large book in his hands, she had her head on his shoulder and had caught one of his leg between hers, seeking more warmth. More into a lying position than the male, it didn't meant it was more comfortable though…

-F-F…fak…fake-

His eye-brows joining dangerously, he was trying his best to decipher the ridiculously impossible book before him.

-Facetious, she absent-mindedly corrected.

She didn't pay attention to his frustrated reactions. Actually she was barely paying attention to the ex-slave at all. Since they finally made up, her mind had been freer. From one single weight that is… She had been able to more or less "solve" everyone's problems, there was just one single man she hadn't been able to help. And truth be told, the worries she felt for him poisoned her mind a little more every day. It was maddening to see him fall in his insanity by each second passing. More than once she had felt the urge to just run over to him, to shout at him, to do everything she could to bring him back to his senses, but… her ties with the tanned male were too recent. She knew she was a coward…a horrible person, but she was too scared… She didn't want to lose him again and so she had tried to keep away from the mage.

The most ironic paradox in this whole matter is that during those three years in which the warrior hadn't come near her more than necessary, she had spent a lot of her time with Anders. However, her mind had been poisoned for a different reason back then : Fenris… She hadn't known what to think, to do, in short, despite being fully aware of the ex-Grey Warden already degrading mental state, she had coldly ignored him to close herself in her self-pity.

It was only recently that it had finally hit her; and she had been overwhelmed with guilt. But it wasn't the only reason – at least she deeply hoped so – she honestly cared for the man. She had known him for six years, she didn't want him to blow up his life for…that…

She wanted to talk to him, alone, where he wouldn't be influenced by the others presences.

-…mercy.

He sighed in relief as he finally ended the ridiculously complicated sentence.

-Good, now repeat the whole sentence.

She lightly purred as the elf's body finally relaxed under her. But it was short-lived as the male snapped a few seconds later.

He slammed the book closed and stood up, not considering Hawke half falling behind him.

-I've got enough from this !

-Fenris…

She exhaled deeply. She had known all along how this would turn out. It was the same almost every night.

When she had proposed the man to teach him reading, he had been extremely thankful. He must have thought reading was easy to learn because the first day when she had arrived at his mansion he had narrowed his eyes at the childish book she had brought. It had taken a few minutes to convince him to start with it. He had almost ripped the book from her hands to prove her it was nothing. Soon enough he had found out that reading was a hard task and meant a lot of training…for children. He was an adult !

Even after one hour – and a huge headache – he hadn't been able to read a simple sentence, stuttering, not knowing what sounds he was supposed to put on those strange drawing called writing. He had felt frustrated and that feeling had kept growing during the next hour. It had been utterly humiliating… Not being able to read something a five years old child could… Stuttering at such ridiculous words as "cake" or "mom"… And all that in front of Hawke ! Simply mortifying. It made him feel weak… Defenceless; and part of him couldn't help but remember his life as a slave. He knew it was stupid, those two things had nothing in common, but it wasn't like he could control how his brain associate stuff.

However, as unexpectedly unpleasant it was, Hawke had been kind enough to use her free time to help him and he didn't want to seem ungrateful. Even with those thoughts in mind, he had refused those children books and despite being fully aware they were even harder to decipher and he barely made any progress, his pride refused to admit it.

It'd always turn out the same. Fenris would come and they'd start, the tension in the male's body slowly tensing up with each words read with efforts until he would snap like a rope. Like always, she'd propose him to go on with an easier book instead.

-Fenris, it'd be easier if you accepted to learn from children books first.

Of course, he was going to stubbornly refuse.

-No ! came the sharp reply.

Then she was going to try to calm him down, but he'd stay with deaf ears and eventually decide to leave.

Calling out his name again, she stood up from the bed and reached for him. In response he made a few steps back to avoid the touch.

-I'm tired ! I'm leaving ! he coldly stated.

Sighing deeply again, she didn't fell into the eternal circle this time and didn't even try to hold him back. No, for once his fragile pride was a good thing. She'd be able to leave the house and see Anders without anyone knowing. She'd surely find him in his clinic.

Peeking a look outside, she made a face. It was pouring down like hell… She cursed lightly. Why tonight ? Was the Maker, Andraste or any other divine figure against her desire to help the mage ? Well, whatever ! They wouldn't be able to stop her.

Her eyes scanned the room before stopping on a new chair near her bed. On it was a pile of warm clothes. She couldn't possibly meet the possessed man in her current clothes, even if they were under her armour (walking alone at night in Kirkwall was dangerous enough). She rapidly changed her clothes, shivering as the cold wind brushed against her naked body.

Humming lightly, she called Orana, an ex-slave she had taken under her care – much to Fenris' disgust – the female elf promptly arrived; after all those years, she still didn't dare to look the noble in the eyes. She wasn't too fond of the idea of having someone serving her, but she couldn't deny her life had become much easier since then.

-I'll be gone for a few hours – she announced while the blond haired woman was helping her to put her armour on – don't let any strangers in.

She submissively nodded and left as soon as she was finished. Hawke waited for a moment, tempted to run a hand through her hair, but stopped before touching them as she remembered the metallic gauntlets. She hoped he wouldn't be asleep or busy…

She opened the door and walked through the silent mansion. The two dwarfs had gone out, apparently to meet some friends or family, she wasn't sure since a certain person had kept her mind busy during the whole day. She did hear someone walking in the living room, but she could pretty much assume it was Orana (who else could it be anyway ? her siblings as well as her mother were dead now; her heart tightened as a pained and yet sarcastic smile painted her lips).

* * *

><p>Once again, the mage was about to spend the night alone, physically. Or to be more precise, Justice and him. He should be used to it by now and part of him was, but sometimes he wished he wouldn't be alone.<p>

-Yes… Soon everything will be over, he murmured for the two of them.

He was sitting on his favourite place : the bench in front of the never dying fire, the one and the only warm place of the clinic. Said clinic was empty, no matter how wounded or sick his patients were, they never dared stay once the night had fallen. As strangely as it may sound, he wasn't sure whether to be happy or sad about it. He didn't feel anything actually… As a healer, he first thought of the well-being of his patients and if they felt more secure at home, he gladly let them go. The mental state of wounded people (no matter if physically or emotionally) was as much important as his healing. Using magic didn't mean he could completely fix people.

-We just need to wait for the right moment and then-

-Speaking alone, Anders ? asked an amused voice.

Brutally ripped from his thoughts, his eyes focused on the newcomer. Her kind blue eyes sparkled at his baffled expression.

-Eliana…what are you doing here ?

The woman offered him a genuine smile – Merrill, Sebastian and Anders were the only one to call her by her forename, except that Anders would only do it when they were alone – and made a few steps into the miserable looking clinic.

-You're going to fall sick one day if you stay here… she warned as he stood up.

He waved the question away.

-My goodness Eliana ! You're the one going to fall sick ! You're soaked wet ! Take your armour off ! he ordered as he gave her a worried look and reached to help her.

People tended to underestimate colds, but he knew better. Frowning again, she complied nonetheless. She was indeed freezing and part of it was because water had filtered through her metal plates. Therefore, she was only mildly surprised as the removal of armour revealed clothes in a barely better shape. She shivered and casted a hopeful glance at the burning fire.

She barely listened to the mage as she promptly carried half of her equipment next to the chimney. When Anders took the impressive double cutting edge Hawke had planted in the floor with one hand he almost lost his balance at the unexpected weight of the weapon. He, of course, suspected the metal armour and long and large blade to be heavy, but considering the already rather heavy part of the armour laying on his right arm and the even heavier sword in his left hand… He was amazed… The noble truly was a source of amazement for him. How she would look so fragile out of her armour and yet be able to easily wield such a weapon while wearing heavy protections continually amazed him. (he was repetitive ? so what ? there was no other way to describe the woman in front of him) Being a mage, and even if he didn't consider himself as physically weak, he was still aware it was a whole different level of strenght than the people having to fight enemies directly every day and had to be equipped in consequence.

…He mentally noted to himself to never anger her…

She'd probably easily crush him down… She was probably physically stronger than Aveline, though he'd never be able to proof it – and had no desire to do even if given the opportunity – but could pretty much assume she was weaker than the parasite turning around her.

Seeing the trouble Anders was having with her weapon, she walked back and took it herself. She leaned it against the wall as he put the rest of the armour beside its other half. He told her to sit down while he moved to the single piece of furniture for his personal use. He searched through his clothes, pondering whether he should give her only one big piece of cloth or also add pants. Anything which wouldn't give a close-fitting effect; he doubted he had anything which would but he preferred not to take the risk. It struck his mind she might simply refuse to take her clothes off, but he pushed the thought away; as a host he just had to make sure his guest felt at ease.

He eventually decided to take both pants and a large woollen tunic. His stomach tightened a little in anticipation as he stretched them toward her.

At first she gave him a quizzical gaze, before it changed to understanding and finally thankful. With a smile, she took them both and waited…

…After a few minutes, she gave him an intense glare. It took him a few seconds to get why she was suddenly staring at him like that.

-Oh…

He mumbled some quick apologize before turning around and started walking away. He nervously moved his arms and tried hard to think about anything else but focus on the sounds behind him : tissues slowly sliding against the skin, the sigh of relief to be freed from wet clothes, the-

He shook his head. It was no use to hide it and truth be told…had he ever hid it ? (even if he wasn't shouting it out loud) He felt strongly attracted by the Champion of Kirkwall. However, the Maker must have decided to punish him for letting a spirit enter his body after all because she had fallen for the being he could stand the least : the elf Fenris.

Ironically, if the well-being of his patients was his top priority, there was one person in particular he wished by his side, no matter of her current happiness. He selfishly wished some events would tear the noble and the ex-slave apart and she'd fall in his arms. He knew most people would disagree with those kind of thoughts, but those people were idiots. He loved her, of course he'd want her all for himself, of course he'd hate seeing her love someone else (and what to say when that someone was the one you abhorred the most ?), of course he'd wish for something, anything to happen that would made her finally love him back ! Those who pretend seeing the loved one happy is all that mattered were either lying, weren't in love (even if they did think the opposite) or were masochists. The only reason why he didn't tear the two apart himself was because he didn't want to force his love onto the woman (and also because it'd annihilate any chance of her loving him). She was a living being, she could make her own choices or do whatever she likes; even if he disapproved it, he had no right to impose his way of thinking on her.

Feeling much better in her dry clothes, she called the mage back.

-Thanks Anders.

He gave her warm smile back.

-You're welcome Eliana. As a healer and as a friend I couldn't let you fall sick right in front of my eyes.

-Now you're being dramatic ! You're speaking as if I was dying !

-Am I ?

The two of them laughed and the ex-Warden joined her on the wooden bench. She run a hand through her wet black hair and smiled at him.

-So ? You still prefer to live in this dirty clinic ? she teased.

-You're pretty stubborn Eliana ! Did you convince one of us to accept ?

That it was Merrill, Varric, Isabela, Aveline, Sebastian, Anders or Fenris, she had asked all of them to come and live with her, arguing it'd make everything a lot easier. All of them had declined though.

-No, she pouted. You guys are mean to let me live alone like that !

She purposely acted as a spoiled child, definitely in a playful mood.

-Hm, you have that elf and those two dwarfs to keep you company though. Isn't that enough ? he teased.

-It's not the same ! They can't be counted as family or friend-

Her joyful expression suddenly froze as the loss of her whole family crept into her mind again. She looked down and closed her eyes. She had thought her conversations with Sebastian had appeased her pain, but she obviously still wasn't over it.

-I'm sorry…

He regretted to have brought up such a conversation, even if by accident. His heart felt heavy whenever she was in pain, physically or emotionally. When the ex-slave had abandoned her, he hadn't be sure whether happiness or sadness had been the strongest feeling.

Her eyes flashed open and looked up at him again.

-No, you don't have to !

Another thing which amazed him (oh, he was going to be repetitive again ?) was the strange paradox between her kindness and her merciless self. Based on some criteria and values he didn't quite always comprehend (sometimes he had the impression they were contradicting each other). She'd spare an enemy, letting him flee and start a new life and another time the same kind of person would be killed without a second thought. He didn't think of her as being cruel or sadistic, she'd never killed any innocent people. Just once he had had the occasion to see a darker side of her. A piece of insanity. Everyone had been shaken that day, no one had known what to say or do after that for the next days. With time everyone slowly forgot about the sordid event and everything turned back as before.

He smiled at her again, before he became more serious.

-But you didn't make all the way through a raining night just to ask me that, did you ?

She avoided his gaze. Her stomach tightened in uneasiness. Somehow she regretted to not simply come over to enjoy his company.

-I… she started.

-It's about Justice, right ? he cut in a sharper tone than he'd have liked.

She opened her mouth to answer, but her throat felt oddly dry. Not standing the upset glare of the male, she closed her mouth and looked down.

How foolish…

-So you still don't trust me ! he stated, irritated.

-It's not you I don't trust ! It's Justice ! she replied.

-He's part of me ! Not trusting him means not trusting me either !

He stood up and walked away. He didn't want to look at her right now. Not when angriness was washing over his soul. She rarely upset him enough to make him feel actually angry against her, no actually Justice was the only subject which would make them argue with each other.

She kept on her place onto the bench, following him with her eyes. Hundreds of sentences were running and stumbling on each other in her mind right now. She felt nervous; she didn't know how to put all those thoughts and emotions into words. Fast enough to make him understand why she was doing this, before he'd close up to her. (to her Fenris and Anders could sometimes be annoyingly alike)

-Anders ! I'm worried about you ! You're changing ! Justice is changing you !

A new wave of anger rushed through his veins. He swiftly turned around to look at her.

-Oh, I'm impressed ! Did the Champion of Kirkwall finally noticed me ? Did something go wrong with your precious elf or were you simply bored ?

Guilt and pain flashed through her eyes. He was right…she was reacting too late… But his behaviour was so different from the Anders she once knew ! How could he expect her not to worry about it, even if it was too late ? To her guilt were glued some wonderings becoming more and more persistent lately. If she hadn't been so obsessed with Fenris… If she had paid more attention to Anders… Would she have been able to prevent the mage from the slipping path ? To convince him to find a way to remove Justice ? Sometimes she really wished she could travel through times… There were so many events she'd like to change. However, she knew those thoughts were futile, you could never turn back time. As much as you regret things, you must go on ! She knew it and believed in it ! But…sometimes to stick on your own values was a hard task…

-Or maybe it is my betrayal which is bothering you ? Of course, it wouldn't be your little beast who'd dare do something against your wishes ! Really Hawke ! What could possibly attract you in that thing is beyond my understanding ! Or are empty puppets turning you on ? Yes, that must be it ! Of course it is !

The man couldn't contain himself anymore. He was emptying himself from all his frustration and anger from all the past years. Among those words came some he had never even thought about and some which contained not even a slightest part of truth.

The woman in front of him stood up, her whole body language filled with genuine concerned. Not the slightest trace of anger. He shook his head hard. Not the slightest trace of anger ? It was simply insane ! He was saying the most horrible thing about her and the one she loved, his voice poisoned and the only purpose to hurt as much as possible. She should slap him ! Hit him ! Shout at him ! Anything which would express angriness, but NOT concern ! He didn't understand her. He really didn't understand her.

-I trusted you Anders ! No matter what you had done, I still trusted you ! Even now I trust you ! If you were to tell me you'd found a way to remove Justice, I'd help you without a second thought ! Even if the whole world were to turn against you, I'd protect you ! I won't let anyone harm you !

The mage felt bewildered by all those words. He wasn't quite sure what to think or do. Despite her kindness and her forgiving nature whenever it concerned one of the people of the party, he had been sure the last time had gone too far. She had been clearly avoiding him since then (and not only because of the tanned warrior anymore). And yet, there she was, telling she'd knowingly let herself be used by him in the tiny hope of finding a way to help him, to free him from Justice.

If he had been bewildered before, he had no idea what to call how he felt as she wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him down against her in a tight emb- Hug ! he corrected himself.

-You're an important person to me ! I don't want to lose you !

Her smell, her warmth, her strength, it was the first time they were so close to him. He felt numb, dizzy even; his arms were lifted in the air, half hugging her back, but not daring to touch her.

He accidently brushed his nose against her neck. His own smell glued to his clothes had already started to mix with hers. For Maker's sake, he was seriously considering too-

He sharply pushed those thoughts away. He knew better ! There was no hidden meaning behind the hug. Nothing but affection ! More than once she had hugged Merrill, Sebastian, Isabela, Aveline and even Varric. Everyone except him. No, she had once, one single time before she fell for the elf, before he, Anders, fell for her. Once she had, noticing the reciprocated hate between the two males and even if her eyes were speaking for her, she refrained herself from being affectionate toward him.

But despite everything, here they were, alone in a rainy night, body pressed tightly against each other, her wet hair tickling his face, a droplet slowly falling from them to gently follow the curve of his cheek and finally fall between them, and- and he just couldn't think straight anymore ! He shouldn't let his feelings for her take over his mind so much ! As tempting as that little voice which had nothing to do with Justice was.

-…Now, do I have some privileges ? he tried to joke, half realizing his arms were now firmly around her smaller frame.

-Don't be an idiot ! she said as she released her grip on his neck and looked straight into his eyes. I'd do the same no matter who it was from the group.

Her hands were now on his shoulders. He had loosened his grip too, but just a bit. He could still feel her warmth through their clothes.

-And what if…Fenris – it took him all his willpower to pronounce his name – interfered ?

He missed the closeness, even if their bodies were still touching. On the other hand, he was able to think properly again.

…He guessed it was for the best after all. The Champion frowned.

-I'd kick him out of the way ! she answered bluntly.

-Without hesitation ?

-Without hesitation.

-Hmmm….

An amused smile slowly spread across his lips. As their gaze met, they both chuckled, the same comical scene playing in their mind.

Smiling softly, she felt warmth fill her stomach. Oh how she wished things to stay this way… But reality was nothing but a bitch !

-No matter what I say – she started with sadness in her voice – no matter what I do, you won't change your mind, right ?

He slowly shook his head, on that at least he wouldn't lie. Her arms were now on his forearms.

-I'm afraid not…

-And…there's really no way to free you from Justice ?

Her eyes were at the same time reflecting hope and yet delusion. His left hand had started to slowly rub her back.

His eyes had been wrong; the body under the lent clothes were hiding a rather well-muscled figure. Not too much, but certainly more than usual muscled women (meaning, not being warriors). Still, it wouldn't really explain her incredible fighing skills... He knew magic was strong in the blood of her family, he had more than once wondered if she didn't uncounsciously enhanced her abilities. It wasn't that rare for people having magic in their blood using it uncounsciously or develop it later on. What kind of mage would Eliana be ?

-Even if there was, I'd make sure you never learn about it.

He was very well aware she wouldn't hesitate to chain him up and "free" him from Justice against his will. Part of him was surprised she hadn't imprisoned him to make sure he wouldn't do anything foolish, but…it was just like her.

Sadness pierced in him too. As much as he loved the noble woman…he wouldn't remove the spirit or stop what he was planning to do. She had no idea how much the world-turning-against-him would become true… If his previous betrayal hadn't been enough, this time it definitely was going to. He was aware the spirit was affecting him, but the spirit's changes were his very own fault. He couldn't possibly blame it for them. He'd carry his duty until the end, it was beyond love, it was for justice ! For the lives of hundreds of people ! His own selfishness couldn't surpass that ! Sacrificing his love was a painful thought, but he wouldn't hesitate ! He'd be as merciless as her to protect his own values and beliefs ! Even if she had fallen for him…it wouldn't have changed anything…

-I see…

She looked down. She had had a thousand of stuff to speak with the mage and she didn't even have the occasion to thoroughly discuss a single one. It was useless.

From the start she had known discussing with Anders would go nowhere. And yet, she couldn't have helped but hope that maybe, just maybe she'd be able to open his eyes. She was fully aware she was being a hypocrite for wanting to impose her opinions on him. She couldn't care less though.

He saw her shivering from cold. The two of them were rather far from the fire. Her long hair seemed to have decided not to dry themselves and the clinic itself was a rather cold place (and filthy to her own judgment, but clean enough for a clinic she guessed). He'd have enjoyed the woman's company – company being in his arms – but it was better for the two of them if she went back home now.

-I think it's time for me to go home, she stated. I'm starting to feel tired.

And it certainly wasn't wise to be tired around the mage… Or anyone else apart Fenris actually… Ah…she really wished he'd be here right now ! She'd be able to lay in his arms and fall asleep, slowly, dragged to the world of sleep in the embrace of his warm body…

…She was more tired than she thought… No good…

-I understand. I just have one condition !

-A condition ?

She raised an eyebrow. She didn't have the slightest idea what he could come up with.

-Keep my clothes on ! Yours are still drenched and I couldn't sleep knowing you may fall sick because of me.

Hawke felt thankful for the condition. Truth be told, she hadn't been very fond of the idea to put on her humid, if not wet, clothes and armour.

-I'll bring your equipment back tomorrow, he continued.

She nodded before bringing him down into a tight hug again.

-Thanks Anders !

This time the man immediately hugged her back. The dizziness didn't occur, he wasn't sure whether it disappointed him or not.

She hadn't expected the hug to last so long, but she was tired and cold and the male's body was warm and undeniably comfortable. It was weird, she hadn't realized just how tired she was before. Was it because the built up tension within her lately had been freed ?

Eliana's weight was becoming heavier by the second in his arms and he wasn't sure what the reason might be. He honestly hoped she hadn't fallen sick after all. Perhaps he should check her up before letting her leave ?

-But you're seriously telling me to walk around at night without any protection ? she teased weakly.

She had to resist ! To not fall asleep !

Cursed her cuddling self ! Why here and now from all time ? She swore ! If Varric dared writing anything about her tired self – along with her drunk self – she'd make sure he wouldn't be able to write or speak for the rest of his life !

-You're right. Then-

-I'll take her home ! cut a sharp and incredibly threatening voice.

The female human immediately jumped back at the sound of the well too familiar voice. Life seemed to have left her as she looked over at the entrance.

There stand an armourless Fenris, his expression unreadable. According to his crossed arms and his left shoulder laid against the wooden entrance, he must have been there for quite a while already.

Hawke suddenly had a hard time breathing, throat dry and guilt and fear washing over her, all trace of tiredness erased from her. She had done nothing wrong, she was sure of it. But the tanned elf could have a whole different opinion, his hate for the mage was a secret for no one. And no need to lie, he was extremely possessive. …Territorial ? No ! It wasn't time to ponder on such things ! More importantly : what had he seen ? What had he HEARD ?

He wasn't looking at her, he hadn't crossed her gaze yet, instead he and the possessed abomination were silently staring each other.

After he had left the bedroom, he had sat in the living room to try to read on his own and calm down in the process. He had done that a few times already. When he had heard noises coming from an armour going outside, he had stood up and looked out of the window. He had been genuinely surprised to see Hawke walking alone in the dark. She never went outside at night on her own. He had wondered what kind of missions or meeting she had to secretly leave like that.

He had looked around, lowly cursing as he had remembered his armour and weapon were still upstairs. He had taken one of the large canvas sheet in a corner of the room and had stretched it over his head to partly protect himself from the rain before running after her. He initially had planned to catch her, but as he realized she was going to the Darktown he had slowed down.

The ex-slave finally looked away and walked inside. He took the long and heavy blade next to the clothes and armour and tied it up on his back. He then turned around and crossed gazes with the warrior he had learned to love.

-Fenris…

Her voice had been barely audible. Part of her was frozen on the spot, but the other one wanted to walk over to him. Why was he so unreadable ? Usually his body and face would easily express his emotions. The second one took advantage of her as she saw him lead to the door.

-Fen-

She didn't finish her sentence as a strong arm was put around her shoulders, pushing her outside with him. He gave a threatening glare at the mage, his deepest and most hateful one, before leaving the clinic.

Anders blinked a few times, not entirely realizing what had just happened. One minute ago, Eliana had been in his arms, but as soon as the beast had shown up she had jumped back as if he had the pest. And all she had been looking and caring about was that tanned male. She hadn't even looked back at him. He felt numb…

* * *

><p>The marked man had stretched the canvas sheet – that he had laid on the floor before the house – over their head; he was looking straight before them. She could feel his body tensed up, his face not unreadable anymore. Too many emotions were growing and dying on his features, but one thing was sure, he was visibly upset. The woman felt uneasy. She wanted to tell something to break the icy silence between them.<p>

-Fenris, I-

-I know ! he cut a little too harshly to his own liking.

He sighed and softened his voice, something he'd only dare around her.

-You're too kind.

And it included her tendency to hug people around her. It was beyond his comprehension how someone could be affectionate without having the same purpose as Isabela (if it could be called affection). He couldn't help but stiffen whenever the hugged one was a male.

-I'm just worried about Anders.

So she had taken it as a complain ?

-As long as you aren't drunk…

If Hawke tended to be more affectionate when she was tired – she'd hug and fall asleep against anyone or anything warm and comfortable, more than once had he witnessed those alluring situations, even before falling for her; only the possessed mage seemed to have been oblivious to it, by what kind of miracle he had no idea – she was becoming beyond affectionate if drunk. Sebastian had always made sure to stop the woman to go too far, but around six months ago, before the two of them made up, he had given up, telling him he was tired of his stubbornness.

He clearly remembered that night. They had been celebrating the human noble's birthday and for the occasion they had all met at the Hanged Man. Varric and Isabela had done their best to convince them to come without armours and weapons and had thoroughly enjoyed turning everyone drunk. They themselves hadn't exactly been sober either and he himself couldn't have denied his senses were unaffected. Sebastian was the only one who hadn't – never actually – drunk and like always he had been duted to make sure nothing extreme would happen. Hawke had become drunk soon enough, but there was nothing to be really worried about. However, as the hours passed he had become more and more nervous as he witnessed her becoming more and more tired. He knew to what it'd lead and this time the prince wasn't going to interfere.

The warrior had eventually stood up, mumbling she needed a glass of water. Once at the bar - it had taken her some efforts, she hadn't been able to walk straight – it hadn't taken long before one of the human noticed her weakened state. He had stared, body gradually tensing up as their conversation had turned into flirt and flirt into touches. If it had been someone she was in love with, he could have accepted it. It'd have been hard, but he'd have been glad to see her find happiness. He had been the one to push her away and as much as he regretted it, he'd stick to his decision. Therefore, he had no right to interfere in her love affairs. But here it had nothing to do with love ! The woman was drunk ! Not able to think properly ! The man just wanted to take advantage of the situation and nothing else ! Deep down he knew he shouldn't put his nose in her sex life either (love and sex always were tightly bound and yet completely opposite from what he understood from the human concepts, he wasn't really sure of what elves thought of love and sex though), but…

He had given the sober man a pleading look, but he gave him nothing except an unreadable expression. His mouth had closed tightly around the wooden glass as the human's hand had passed under her shirt, his worries dangerously turning into deep frustration. He wasn't exactly sure when he had moved, but as the drunken male's hand directed itself to her lower parts he had rudely caught her by the left arm and pulled her against him. The human had almost dared to argue, but crossing glaze with the murderous glare of the white haired elf had been more efficient than any cold shower.

Fenris hadn't expected his self-control to be so harshly tested though. The proximity of the moving and mumbling creature in his arms had created an unexpected reaction on his drunk – if not numb – self. It hadn't helped that once she had calmed down a little, she had taken the duty to firmly lick and bite the junction between his neck and shoulder, pressing her body against him.

It had taken all his willpower to push her away and it wasn't the persistent drunk voice in his head which had helped him. He had always been able to supress that voice's desires, but that night it had been particularly tempting. He'd have snapped if he had drunk just one more glass of alcohol.

He had ignored the grinning faces and vicious comments of Varric and Isabela and the dark glare of the abomination (Merrill was too drunk to really understand what was happening around her, Aveline was more preoccupied with the female elf's health than the two "ex"-lovebirds and Sebastian didn't look up at them) and had taken her by the arm upstairs to Varric's room. Varric had no interest in humans, a rather useful fact : Sebastian would often bring her here if not simply bring her home when she was too drunk. It had taken him a few minutes to put her in the bed – she had been very insisting to drag him with her, physically and with her words – and his sanity and rationality had fought hard against the drunken voice who seemed even more urgent to make him act at the obvious desire of the female under him.

Once done he had laid his back on the closed door, cooling down. His heart and pulse were racing, he was breathing hard and he could feel some trails of sweat on his body and all he had done had been to put her to bed… He had angrily cursed her, the voice and whatever gods had decided to give the living being what people tended to call hormones. He hoped they had fun at those daily shows.

When he had gone downstairs, he had ignored the others' remarks, taking a seat from where he could see anyone going up instead. He had had a sight of what hell probably was. Whenever someone approached the stairs or voices and sounds would be heard, he'd tense up. He even started to become paranoid at one point, or at least that's how he felt. Sebastian must have had taken pity of him though. He suddenly announced it was time for all of them to go to sleep. He went upstairs to take Hawke who looked rather upset to have been waken up, but soon enough she had hugged her regular human pillow, letting a pleasant sigh out. The banished prince hadn't seemed the slightest bothered, after almost three years, he knew how to handle a drunken Hawke more than anyone else. Firstly being, a drunken Hawke was better asleep than tired and awake and her hands, mouth and legs deciding to take a trip ! With his free arm, he had gently made Merrill stood up and had left, letting the two less drunken men go home by themselves.

The warrior looked down at the woman. Seeing her in the mage's clothes… Smelling his smell on her… He felt his insides been torn from aggressivity. He was possessive. As simple as that. It was a secret for no one among the party.

-Once at your mansion, we'll take a bath !

She looked up in surprise.

-We ? You mean…you'll take it with me ?

They'd never taken a bath together. She had suggested the idea a few times but he had always rejected it. His gaze looked over her.

-You look really tired, I don't want to risk you to fall asleep while bathing.

-You could simple be present in the room. You don't have to take it with me.

It wasn't that the thought of bathing with Fenris wasn't tempting, but she didn't want him to feel obliged to just to make sure she wouldn't drown. He must have had his reasons to object.

He looked away and didn't answer right away.

-I…wouldn't take it.

-…

It took her a moment to understand what the white haired male was hinting. Of course…whenever they had been naked in front of each other, there had been a purpose. So…

-Fenris…

As he turned his face toward her, he felt two hands gently land on either side of his face and gently pull him down.

Two pairs of lips met briefly.

-I love you, she whispered against his lips and looking him straight in the eyes.

He groaned, losing himself as always when he'd hear those three words coming out of those lips. He bowed down with the intention to heatedly kiss the human; however, his enthusiasm was short-lived as cold rain mercilessly hit his right shoulder and neck. He had accidently moved his arm in his eagerness, exposing himself to the sky's tears (or piss, depending of the degree of poetry one man held).

Hawke couldn't help but laugh lightly at the scene, receiving a dark glare which only increased her amusement. Once again, she had completely forgotten the possessed mage, her mind filled with the elf again. Unable to break the eternal circles.

* * *

><p><strong>No one will be surprised if I say using the term "circle" in the title was done on purpose. And there are lot of "circles" in the one-shot some obvious and other more subtle. I won't tell all of them, you're free to search for them. XD<strong>

**Nope, Hawke isn't all black or white here. No one is and such a Hawke would be boring. Not a blind kindness but a kindness given to a few people is much more interesting...**

**And it seems more like a Fenris/Hawke/Anders fanfic' than a Hawke/Anders one, but it wasn't supposed to turn out that way at all !**

**What was a good surprise though is that I was able to play with Anders' love being obsession and Fenris' love being possessiveness. I don't think of them as being quite the same. I didn't really develop that theme (which is exactly why it turned out in a Fenris/Hawke/Anders one) but I think I said enough…**

**Lastly, I think I've never written (on paper) and retype a fanfiction so far before. XD Yes, writing from paper to computer make me rethink about the story and change, erase or improve what is needed. Not that this is perfect lol, but I'm no professional, so whatever. XD**


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